As National Grief Awareness Day approaches on Aug. 30, trauma expert Judith A. Swack, Ph.D., highlights a critical insight: unresolved trauma can keep people stuck in grief, preventing them from accessing joyful memories of the person they lost. Instead, every reminder of the loved one can automatically trigger the pain of the moment they died or left. This occurs because during a traumatic loss, the body's fight-flight-freeze response gets conditioned to remember and react to anything that happened at that time, causing individuals to repeatedly relive the shock of the event.
Dr. Swack, author of "Clear Trauma Now: The Powerful Solution for Getting Unstuck," recently named the 2026 Silver Medal Winner for Grief Books by the Coalition of Visionary Resources (COVR), explains that healing begins by calming this trauma response, so the nervous system no longer reacts as though the loss is happening in the present. She offers five first steps toward healing, which are detailed in her book and can be explored further through her HBLU.org website.
First, Dr. Swack advises separating the trauma from the person you loved. Many grieving people fear that if they let go of the trauma, they'll lose their connection to the person they lost. However, she asserts the opposite is true. Trauma can become fused with the memory of a loved one, so every remembrance triggers pain instead of love. Healing the trauma allows positive memories and gratitude to return without letting go of the relationship.
Second, she encourages identifying the "hidden layers" beneath grief. Grief rarely consists of sadness alone. According to Dr. Swack's research, loss trauma often includes shock, fear, anger, hurt, guilt, shame, and feelings of helplessness. Recognizing these layers can help individuals address the full spectrum of their emotional response.
Third, she suggests listening for limiting beliefs that loss may have created. Traumatic loss often leaves behind unconscious conclusions such as "It's my fault," "People always leave me," "I can't trust anyone," "Who will take care of me?" or "I'm powerless." These beliefs can impact relationships, work, and self-confidence long after the loss, but being aware of them is an important step toward healing.
Fourth, Dr. Swack emphasizes paying attention to the feeling of emptiness. One hallmark of unresolved loss trauma is a deep sense of emptiness or a "hole" in the chest or stomach. People often try to fill this void through work, food, relationships, or other compulsive behaviors. Recognizing that the emptiness is part of the trauma response can help people seek healthier ways to heal.
Finally, she stresses that healing trauma is not about forgetting someone or "moving on." One of the biggest barriers to recovery is the fear that healing means leaving a loved one behind. Yet resolving the trauma surrounding a loss doesn't erase the relationship. Instead, it allows people to stop reliving the worst moment of their lives and begin remembering the love, joy, and meaning that came before the loss.
"Healing trauma at all levels allows people to easily recall special memories of loving connection and appreciate the ways in which their lives were enriched by having known that person," says Dr. Swack. Her methodology, Healing from the Body Level Up™ (HBLU™), is a comprehensive system designed to clear trauma at the conscious, unconscious, body, and soul levels. For those interested in experiencing trauma healing in real time, Dr. Swack will present a "Clear Trauma Now Live Healing" webinar on Thursday evenings in September, with details available at hblu.org/live-healing-experience.
